This is chapters 17 and 18 in E2. After I learned to keep one POV per chapter, this one had to be split into two. Reminder: My notes will be in italicized red font, and the text from E1 will be in black. E1 refers to edition one, and E2 refers to edition two.
15
Aria tries to pretend she isn’t shaking as she approaches the wierling, stopping a safe distance away from it. The dark creature just stands there. Aria takes a deep breath. The mental illness is screaming so loud that her head is beginning to hurt.
“I know why you’re hunting me. I know you’re drawn to my mental illness.”
The princess gasps as the anxious and depressing emotions and thoughts attempt to overwhelm her once again.
Worded so much better in E2.
“Aria!” she hears Jayce call.
The princess holds a hand out to him to tell him to stay put. She grasps at all the remaining strength inside of her to fight back against the wierling’s spell. She feels some satisfaction that when she looks back up at the creature, its head is tilted slightly in confusion.
Never had anyone fight back like this before, have you?
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“I want to live, even if it means fighting what’s inside of me for the rest of my life. I know what I feel inside won’t go away in a day, or a month, or even a year. If it means serving as a queen with mental illness, I don’t care. I can’t keep letting this rule my life. I’m tired of undeservedly being ashamed of how I feel. I have to take back all the time I lost sitting and worrying and finally truly live again.”
Aria steps forward and stands tall and strong. Her own determination and will to live shatter the creature’s spell. The spark inside rises up to a bright flame.
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Landa nervously flutters on the spot. Any other phoenix would immediately burn the creature with fire. She can’t call it forth though.
“I want to, but I just can’t,” she says frantically.
The wierling turns its attention to the phoenix and advances, taking advantage of her weakness. Aria and Jayce are both held down magically.
“Landa,” Aria says urgently, “forgive yourself for what happened in the past. Forget everyone who has ever doubted you, including yourself. If I can find my fire, then so can you. You just have to let go. Let go of the control that your fears and your embarrassment have over you.”
The wierling is almost on top of her. Landa notices that the creature seems hesitant, like it is waiting to see if she will fight back.
“A phoenix never truly loses their fire. It always lives inside of them,” she recalls what her parents said to her.
I made a mistake, and now, I’m constantly afraid of what the others will think of me. Why can’t I just be concerned about what I think of myself? Deep inside, I do believe I am worthy, and I should be proud of myself, even with my flaws.
“Your fire is your pride and joy.” She closes her eyes as she remembers her father’s lesson. “Sense the blaze inside of you. Let the flames fill your very soul. Feel the sparks in your feathers. Then, set those sparks ablaze. Let yourself burn in the glory of a phoenix.”
Landa startles as she feels a tingling sensation in the tips of her feathers. Sparks have set that she has not seen for far too long. Now, the creature appears to be afraid and begins to back away.
“I am a phoenix, and I will rise.”
The line above always survived through all the drafts—and there were many. It’s one of my favorite ones.
Landa screeches as she pushes off the ground, giving a mighty flap of her wings. She finally bursts into flames. Landa dives at the creature and envelopes it in phoenix fire.
Aria and Jayce are released from their invisible bonds. The princess dives out of the way as the creature burns up and explodes into a pile of black dust. She runs to Jayce, who immediately embraces her tightly.
Aria smiles a genuine smile. For the first time in a long time, she finally feels proud of herself for what she has conquered.
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“Come on. Let’s leave this place. We need to get this flower back to my father.”
“We should make it by sundown if we hurry.”
“Then let’s hurry,” Landa says.
Jayce and Aria mount their horses and urge them into a canter, following the path back while Landa soars above them. No more wierlings bother them during their ride through the forest. Before sunset, they pass the border of Toranon, and by the time the sun drops down, they arrive back home.
Reading this back, I can see how I write a lot better now. My later writing is more concise and not as wordy. And it’s better to stay with one POV per chapter or section.
Part 16 Coming Soon!
Copyright © 2018 Lindsay McCafferty
