This is chapter 19 in E2. The first version of Reawakened Flames was not a great book, so it surprises me how much ended up staying when I edited it again.
Reminder: My notes will be in italicized red font, and the text from E1 will be in black. E1 refers to edition one, and E2 refers to edition two.
16
“Halt! Oh, Princess Aria!” one of the knights exclaims as they ride up to the castle gates.
The gates are opened to let them through. Aria and Jayce dismount their horses, and stable hands run over to take care of Storm and Bridgette.
“Is my father still…?” Aria’s voice fails her as she asks one of the knights.
“He’s alive, but he’s gravely sick.”
“We may have a cure.”
[removed a couple of paragraphs that are very similar to the final version]
As an aside, I really like third-person past. I know there is a trend toward first-person present, which would be much easier than what I did in this version of Reawakened Flames with putting it in third-person present. But like I said, third-person present is what I’m comfortable writing in, even if the AI witch hunters now think that’s a sign that AI wrote it.
“Princess Aria,” the healer in the room says in surprise, “I’m glad you were found. Your father doesn’t have long.”
Aria breaks out of her distressing reverie. She can’t crumble now.
“He’s not going to die. We may have found something that can cure him.” Aria pulls the flower out from her pocket. “I assume this will work similar to normal roses?”
The healer examines the magic flower. “Yes, I believe it will. I don’t think he will be able to eat the petals, but I can brew a tea. I’ll be back as quick as I can.”
[removed a few similar paragraphs]
“Aria,” he rasps, “my dear daughter. I’m so sorry.”
“No, no. I think I’ve brought back a cure. You’re going to drink some medicine, and you’re going to get better.” Aria struggles to hold back tears.
Garne gives her a weak smile. “I should have expected you would find something.”
The dying king glances to the left and notices Landa sitting on the bedpost over Aria’s shoulder and Jayce standing close by. “Thank you, the both of you, for the finding Aria and bringing her back home safe.”
The healer returns a few minutes later. Aria helps prop her father up, and they encourage Garne to drink the tea. Then, they lower him back down onto the bed.
“That’s the sweetest medicine I’ve ever tasted,” the king comments.
“Just rest now.” Aria covers him again with the blankets.
“Your mother would be so proud of you, and I am very proud of you. I just need you to know that.”
Aria nods.
Some of these lines survived all the way through, especially the dialogue.
She can’t stop tears from rolling down her cheeks. Garne closes his eyes. His breathing slows, and for a moment, Aria isn’t certain if he has stopped breathing.
“Dad?” she says with slight panic in her voice.
“He’s fine,” Landa reassures her. “He’s just sleeping.”
“I just hope the flower actually works.”
Probably not-
Apparently, I didn’t know how to do an em dash.
Just shut up.
They wait for most of the night to ensure Garne will recover. Aria is too worried to even try to sleep. Color eventually begins to return to his skin, and his breathing is deeper and more relaxed. He looks more at ease.
Aria lets out the breath she feels like she has been holding for hours.
[removed a few similar paragraphs]
There is a quiet knock at the door, and then Vivian walks in.
She glances toward the king in concern. “Is he alright?”
“He’ll be fine now.”
The captain’s expression changes to relief until she remembers the news she bears. “The scouts reported that the armies will arrive at the castle within a couple of hours. We need to know where you want to position your troops.”
Hopped into Vivian’s head for a moment.
Aria is torn between wanting to stay with her father and needing to oversee preparations for war. The princess is also ready to crash in bed. Unfortunately, she will just have to rest later when they aren’t about to be invaded.
“Jayce, go with Vivian. I’ll come in moment.”
“I’ll meet you outside if one of you could reopen the window,” Landa says.
Jayce lets Landa out. Then, he leaves the room with Vivian.
Aria leans down closer to her father. “Dad, I know you probably can’t hear me, but I have to go now. I have a plan to avert a battle, but if it doesn’t work, just know that I love you very much. I’ll defend you and this kingdom to my last breath if I must.”
She kisses him on the forehead. He doesn’t stir. She stands up and prepares to walk out of the room.
“I’ll stay with him,” the healer says. “Just give me a sword, and I will protect him with my life.”
Aria walks over to her mother’s wardrobe. She pulls out Amelia’s sword and gives the blade to the healer.
“This sword was always more ornamental, but it is still battle worthy.”
The healer bows his head respectfully to her. “Thank you, my lady.”
Aria also picks up her father’s sword from beside the bed and sets the blade next to his hand to give him a fighting chance should the worst happen.
A lot of this stayed almost exactly the way it is in E2, besides cleaning up wordiness and changing the tense. This feels more like a first draft that I would write now or one that has had a little editing.
Part 17 Coming Soon!
Copyright © 2018 Lindsay McCafferty
